CIS Nanny State Awards for 2025

Each year, CIS gathers the most ridiculous examples of intrusioninto our lives, to find the winners of our annual Nanny State Awards. And the 2025 Nannies were difficult to judge, with a shortlist of very strong contenders. Oddly, this year’s crop showed an overriding concern with what we put in our mouths… and for stopping us from enjoying it at all costs.

South Australia, for example, has finally taken a stand against the gravest threat to civilisation: fish-shaped soy-sauce bottles. These tiny terrorists have been lurking in lunchboxes for too long, plotting our ruin one little squeeze at a time. Under the new rules, anyone spotted harbouring a miniature condiment may soon be asked to attend mandatory counselling on sustainable dipping. Bento enthusiasts will be urged to carry their tamari in responsibly sourced, ethically churned, free-range jars. It is, of course, a small price to pay to protect society from the slippery slope of illicit sushi accoutrements.

And that state’s new ban on junk-food ads on public transport isalso triumph for public health. At last, passengers can ride a bus without being seduced into moral decay by a picture of a cheeseburger. Before long, commuters will be expected to surrender any contraband crisps at the station gate, and vending machines will dispense nothing but kale. If this keeps up, the government may need to provide counselling for citizens traumatised by memories of encounters with a KitKat.

With similar nationwide junk-food ad restrictions also on the horizon, we can all look forward to a future where impressionable adults are no longer radicalised by pictures of pizza.

Victoria, not to be outdone, is taking bold action against the menace of fast food purveyors … those neon-lit dens of saturated sin that skulk on every corner.  The Allan government is looking at planning laws that would prevent large fast food chains setting up in areas clustered with similar eateries. Soon, residents in these ‘unhealthy hotspots’ may have to secure a government permit to eat a chicken nugget. Councils will stand guard like nutritional bouncers, heroically turning away rogue burger chains at the border. Travellers arriving in the state will be required to declare any concealed chips, and checkpoints will scan bags for contraband doughnuts. After all, freedom is important … but not nearly as important as a government making sure you never get fries with that.

NSW has also joined the Taste Police, threatening to outlaw premixed drinks that taste sweet. Heaven forbid adults enjoy a little fruity fun. Drinks are now being judged guilty by flavour alone … if yours tastes sweet, it’s apparently dangerous and possibly even morally offensive. Strawberry daiquiris? Outlawed. Gin and tonic? Under surveillance. Because nothing says ‘you’re an adult’ quite like the flavour of bureaucratic compliance.

And this is spreading nationally … Australia’s leading health bodies have declared all-out war on a heinous felon: the fizzy drink holed-up in your fridge. A proposed sugar tax and mandatory ‘teaspoons of sugar’ labels will ensure that no Australian can sip a can of lemonade without first confronting the moral weight of its contents. Shoppers will soon find soft drinks packaged like cigarettes, complete with sombre warnings and graphic images of overworked pancreases.

And on the smoking front itself, menthol cigarettes … once the height of sophistication in glossy ads where everyone looked vaguely European and terribly stylish … are now banned, along with clove and rum flavours. Apparently, having a fashionable and flavourful puff brings far too much risk that people might enjoy their bad habits.

Of course, we must give some honourable mentions to PETA, because it wouldn’t be The Nannies without them …

This year, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have called on AFL — the sport where big men fly — to ban feathers on the Brownlow red carpet, presumably to stop the wives and girlfriends from taking flight as well. But no such ban on plumage for the organisation’s vision for Father’s Day, which they say should be celebrated for emus and cassowaries … along with clownfish, crocodiles, and seahorses.

Oddly, PETA had nothing to say about the animal focus of our third place winner in the Nannies, which goes to the ACT for taking decisive action against the scourge of insufficiently-socialised pekinese. Under proposed rules, all dog owners must now deliver a minimum of three hours of quality face-time each day … roughly the same standard applied to toddlers and far exceeding that applied to many Parliament House marriages.

Second place went to the federal government for now wanting to charge us up to $58 to ask for the facts. Because nothing promotes transparency quite like a pay‑to‑play FOI stall.  In short, welcome to the new ‘Truth Tax’ … because democracy apparently needs a cover charge these days.

But first prize goes to a triumph of nanny-state policy at the taxpayers’ expense — Victoria’s machete bins. At long last, citizens can dispose of their gardening tools in purpose-built, presumably gold-plated receptacles costing the bargain price of $325,000 each for a total of a mere $13 million. And really, if spending that kind of money to stop renegade hedge-trimmers isn’t the hallmark of a mature society, what is?

However, we suspect Victoria won’t stop there.  Soon, taxpayers may enjoy the reassuring sight of $400,000 ‘Culinary Compliance Receptacles’ outside every Coles and Bunnings, where citizens must ceremonially surrender any knife sharper than a butter spreader. Kitchen drawers could require annual licensing, and chopping onions might demand a permit and a government-approved emotional-support officer.

If the nanny-staters have their way, by 2030 we’ll all be working with nothing sharper than child-safe plastic sporks … which may end up tasting better than the bland food and flavourless drinks we use them with!

The Centre for Independent Studies congratulates all nominees and winners for their tireless efforts in advancing the art of bureaucratic overreach.

Peter Kurti is head of the Culture, Prosperity and Civil Society program at the Centre for Independent Studies.